oh life, it's just you again. joy.

me: i just want to love him! why won't he let me?

 Erin: you should ask him THAT

me:  i would sound bat-shit crazy if i asked him that. haha

 Erin:  so? you don't really have anything to lose...

 me:  i guess not. but i think i would just get silence. so what's the point?

 Erin:  knowing that you tried.

and knowing is half the battle

i hate wondering what if

 Erin:  that shit sucks

the imagined never goes away

the actual you can learn to deal with or get over...

but is it really so easy?? to just say it, just put it out there, make yourself that intensely vulnerable? what do you have to lose? the possibility. the hope. maybe it's better to jump in the fire, let it burn if it must. then move forward. oy, could someone else please handle this part of my life? thanks.