Monday, May 19, 2008

My Name Sake

I missed her the moment I heard she had collapsed. I'm angry at myself for not taking a picture with her Sunday. I'm angry this happened before our lunch date. I'm angry my family can't get along. I'm angry they aren't respectful of each other. I'm angry she had to accept her children would never be a family.

I always pictured her there for my wedding. I always knew she'd be the perfect great-grandma to my children. I'm glad she was completely satisfied with her life. She told me on our last day together that she was 91 years old. And she had done some of it all. She said it with a look of contentment. And she had.

She's been such a huge part of my life. From picking me up from elementary school, taking care of me when my parents split up, taught me how to make banana pudding, she was there when I was getting ready for my senior prom. She's been there for 22 birthdays. Bought me groceries when I had a falling out with my dad in college.

She's no longer there to give me advice about boys. Telling me to hold my head up high after a painful break up. Assuring me that one day he would regret it. She's no longer there to tell me jokes or tell me the same stories over and over until we're in tears from laughter.

She's been telling me for years to get use to the idea that she wouldn't be around one day. I just never thought it would be this hard when it happened.
(this has been sittin in my draft file for a month, but i finally found a picture worth posting.)