Lately I feel as if I have no control over my life. I don't know where it's heading. I don't even know where I want it to go. It's like I'm waiting for the plan to be unveiled. All I know, is that for now, I don't like where it currently is. And with this lack of control of the big picture, I find myself a little obsessed with having control over the small things.
This became completely apparent to me on my previously mentioned trip to Asheville. I realized that I need to have control over the minor things or I feel anxious and flustered. But I decided that's not healthy. Because you can't make all the decisions when you are part of a group of eleven.
So, in this realization, I have decided to let go. Make decisions when I can, and otherwise try and go with the flow. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I'm going to develop OCD. For real.
I think I'll start focusing on my part in the big picture. Starting with looking for a more concrete job. Because floating around, although wonderful for getting time off when I want it, isn't good for me. I don't feel productive. I just feel busy.