Sunday, February 11, 2007

I had a dream I could fly...

I played pretend between the trees. And fed my house guests bark
and leaves. And laughed in my pretty bed of green. I had a dream..

Being a good friend is much harder than you would think. Loving unconditionally, that I can do. The hard part comes when you do things for others without expecting anything in return, but do it, rather, because they need it, or will derive joy from it. I love doing things for my friends, but sometimes I expect the same behavior from them and it's just not how it always works. You shouldn't keep count of the wrongs that have been done to you. That is another thing that is super hard to do. Forgiving someone completely requires you to "forget" though, I guess. When it's over, it's over. But too often, when we have done something hurtful to someone and they call us out on it, we tend to bring up things they have done in the past like it jusitfies it, or maybe just makes our actions seem not so terrible. The truth is, we hurt each other, and instead of making excuses we should own up to it and say yeah, that was really crappy of me, and I'm sorry. I've had to do that lately. Say, you know, you're right... I was behaving ridiculously and I apologize. Believe me, it wasn't easy. But it felt good afterwards. For once I felt like I completely meant it, like I took sole responsibility and it was refreshing.

I should give up blogging. I'm so bad at it. Oh, who cares.

I found out something this week. I'm a kayak. A lonely, lonely kayak. Sometimes I feel good about it, like empowered that I can do things on my own. Other times, I just wanna snuggle. It's hard to snuggle by yourself.

I am working every weekend from now until eternity. Let me rephrase that: I am on the work schedule every weekend from now until eternity. I will figure out a way to get out of some of it. I have no desire to work 30hrs a week. And more importantly...I don't have the extra time to commit to working 30 hours a week. Nor do I have the time or sanity to work everyone's Thursdays. It's so aggravating when people act like you have no life or responsibilites outside of a job. I have both, thankyouverymuch.

The career fair is over. Whew. It was rough. It was stressful. It was slightly uplifting. Maybe someone will want to hire me. That would ROCK! Maybe I can move somewhere cool like Chicago or New York (not city) or anywhere as long as it's where I'm supposed to be.

I feel like this year is trucking it at about 100 mph. It's frightening and I desperatly don't want to miss out on any experience. oh well... Sleep is for the week I say.

I was asked what I was giving up for lent. I replied with nothing because it's true. Partly because I don't have many vices and can't think of something to give up. But mostly because I wasn't brought up observing that tradition. What I thought was interesting about this question was the reply I received. It went something like this... ooh, um. okay. I thought you were a good gir....well i mean, i thought you were kinda, um. religious?? It's interesting to hear people's perceptions of who you are. Especially when they haven't taken the time to get to know you. They just assume they know and never question it. Maybe because questions are prying? Maybe they think it's none of their business. Or maybe they are worried about "crossing a line." I don't know, but I do find it terribly fascinating.

Today was a good day. I got some blueberries...I don't know why there is junk food when there are also fresh fruit. It's baffling. I went to the Wired Bean for the first time in about a month. It was tastey. I made dinner and got to use a bright green skillet...lucky! And the new find of the day: Green Tea Vitamin Water. I like it.

Advice of the day: Print on both sides of the paper.

Looks like we're in for warm weather. For the next three billion years.

1 comment:

erin gail said...

you. write.