Monday, April 13, 2009

"we bend, we break, we just can't stand it..."

"'Cuz everybody knows there's no solution, not everybody gets what they would like. I don't wanna be in this place forever, I don't wanna be here for tonight... If you want to go that's your decision, I've never been the one that said 'goodbye'."

it's impossible for me to tell people goodbye. it's never been something i was able to do. most of my friends i've had forever, and plan on keeping them that way. but i think, maybe, sometimes, some people need to be let go. it hurts. i don't like it. but i think for now it might be the best decision for me.

on a happier note. i got back into school. i will start in the fall, providing everything works out and i can find the money. i feel as if i at least have a purpose now. and this is the first good thing that has come from this break-up. i decided when we split i had to find something to do. some goal. a direction for my life. and i decided to go back to school. it's what i want. i think i'm ready to learn again. i'm ready to find the person i'm meant to be. i'm ready to use my biggest asset, my ability to give until exhaustion. and i know if we hadn't split, i wouldn't have felt pushed to do something, anything. i would have sat in my little nest where it was easy and comfortable, making both of us more miserable than need be.

someone told me today that things would only get better from here. each day would be easier, more fulfilled. i appreciate that. i just hope he was right.

ps. i would like new music. healing music. inspiring music. thankyou.

i am a little saddened that i won't be able to be with my friends in charleston, what with going back to school. it makes me very sad. but i also noticed today (when i spent five hours in cool beans) that i actually know a lot of people in columbia. not have a lot of good friends, but i have a lot of acquaintances. that made me happy.

1 comment:

kt said...

I like the way you write. it is poetic. i don't mind that you are sad. i wish you were not, but sometimes you just are. go through it, you will come out on the other side alright. all right.

much love, i will send you good music, and i am so excited for you to go back to school. love!

also, i think you may be in need of an adventure soon.