Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Write It All Down.

Today was... overwhelming, to say the least. So much has happened in less than 24 hours, so many emotions have been experienced and quite frankly, I'm exhausted!

I guess the best place to start is the beginning, which started at the dark and dreary hour of four a.m.  The car was loaded quickly, the hair was washed, and we were off!!! Headed directly to the nearest caffeine fix, of course!  And I must say, it was a particularly horrid experience, and hands down, the worst cup of coffee I've ever been forced to drink.  Oh who am I kidding? I did drink that crap, I even stopped at a later gas station to try and doctor it up, save the innocent victim, but it was no use.  Mom, B and myself arrived at the airport at the exact time we were aiming for, how that happened with the additional three unplanned pit stops along with the awful drivers on the road is beyond me.  But everything started out wonderfully.  I checked my luggage, the nice man at the counter let my stuff pass even though it was overweight by about four pounds, and then we said goodbye.

As things always go with me in every airport security interaction I've ever had, I had to be double checked, all my stuff had to be sent through the x-ray again... apparently something about me screams, "Possible threat!"  Then I promptly planted myself outside my gate and waited patiently, and by patiently I mean this is about when the panic started. What am I thinking?! I hardly know anyone in New York, I don't like strangers, I hate being lost, do I really need to go?? But of course, my pride pushed me through the doors and onto the plane (although I'd be lying if I didn't admit I kind of wanted to step on the happy, snugly couple snoozing on the floor.)

The flight was... standard.  I actually slept through most of it as the lady beside me was less than pleasant when she had to get up and let me by to my window seat.  But at the end she apologized for leaning on me in her sleep and made nice talking about how people bring too much stuff on planes and she hates flying because it takes so long to get off the aircraft.  I guess in the end it wasn't me she hated, she was just sleepy.  At the baggage claim in LaGuardia Ann Marie found me!! We collected my belongings and decided to take the most cost effective way back to her apartment (from Queens to Brooklyn) which included one lengthy mostly crapped and standing bus ride (although a delightful man assisted me in getting my bags off the bus,) followed by three very large flights of stairs (another man carried my heaviest bag up two flights for me!) and a subway ride.  But the view, THE VIEW, from the subway crossing over the East Bay was simply magical.  We had a clear shot of the Brooklyn Bridge, the Statue of Liberty (who looked as big as a plastic army toy,) and a panoramic view of Manhattan!! That's when the calm started, "Hello, pretty city!"

Ann Marie fed me as soon as we arrive to her cute little apartment, and we started the search for temporary housing immediately.  Then off to work she went, leaving me with a time to meet a potential apartment, directions as to which subway to take, a phone number and my shiny new MetroCard! I proceeded to get completely lost for the better part of three hours, ended up on Wall Street instead of farther into Brooklyn, missed the appointment and ultimately the space got rented before I could find my way back. Sad! But on a happier note, I did get to see a man walking around with his pet snake about his neck in the subway.  He then kissed it on the snout and replaced it in his large yellow laundry bag.

So to recap:
Travel. Bad coffee.Travel. Panic. Travel. Heavy things. Nice people. Hit the ground running. Subways are confusing. Don't be late. Weirdo Snakes make it all worth it.

Oh, and some man stopped and asked me for directions!! Does that mean I look like I know what I'm doing!? Score!!!!!

Also, there was a most adorable little asian girl drinking bubble tea on the train. she was super cute. The end.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Love is in the Air


often times i can be cynical and slightly bitter, especially in the romantic realm, but this made my heart full and happy. i hope; i wish; i'm certain; one day, this will be for me.

Monday, February 01, 2010

la la la...

i love music. i love that there is a song for every occasion; whether you need someone to be sad with you, someone who understands your plight; whether you need someone to scream to the top of their lungs with you, or sing happy joy with you; whether you need someone to hold your hand and skip through the flowers with you, or reminisce about days gone by; whether you need someone to show you the light at the end of the dark tunnel, or someone who understands the insanity of new love and first butterflies.  i love that when you turn it up super loud, the entire world can just fade away and it's nothing but you and your song, your voice, your instrument, your soul.


-





this was an entire list of about 5 songs. but blogger decided to hate me, so one will have to be enough...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

oh life, it's just you again. joy.

me: i just want to love him! why won't he let me?
 Erin: you should ask him THAT
me:  i would sound bat-shit crazy if i asked him that. haha
 Erin:  so? you don't really have anything to lose...
 me:  i guess not. but i think i would just get silence. so what's the point?
 Erin:  knowing that you tried.
and knowing is half the battle
i hate wondering what if
 Erin:  that shit sucks
the imagined never goes away
the actual you can learn to deal with or get over...

but is it really so easy?? to just say it, just put it out there, make yourself that intensely vulnerable? what do you have to lose? the possibility. the hope. maybe it's better to jump in the fire, let it burn if it must. then move forward. oy, could someone else please handle this part of my life? thanks.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Trouble with Rachel...

After reading a lovely little blog I like to frequent, (curious girl ) I have decided she has the right idea about focusing on your life and the things about you and your character that hold you back from your hearts desires.  As I read Lisa's list, I realized this is a woman in her 40s who finds some of the things that hold her back which are surprisingly similar to the things I find in myself.  So here goes, "the trouble with Rachel..."

  1. She is insightful and full of deep thought, which often times comes out in a way that isn't constructive to others but seems more judgmental.  She doesn't know how to take the truth and the insight and present it in a soft way that allows people to really hear her; so what they actually hear is a "know it all bitch who needs to get off her high horse."  She also needs to learn to turn this insight on herself and her own personal life, and truly listen to close friends advice.
  2. She has a tendency to "vent" about her problems to just about anyone who will listen; and while this is therapeutic at times, it often makes her seem more of a gossip than she really means to be.
  3. She wants to live a healthier lifestyle but is incredibly lazy and will blow off exercise for any little excuse (creating lists, blogging, surfing the internet, shopping, lunch.)
  4. She doesn't trust people in general, but specifically men, leaving her heart constantly guarded.  If she let's that guard down, it becomes nearly impossible to let that person go, or to give someone new a chance.
  5. She loves to plan and start projects, but she never has any follow through.
  6. She allows "fear" to have a huge hand, and typically the deciding vote, in her biggest life decisions. 
  7. She needs for all things to be in their place but is also a massive clutter bug.  These things don't go hand in hand and often lead to stress and a feelings of anxiety in her day to day living space.
  8. She desperately wants an outlet for her artistic side but is too lazy, scared, unsure, to actually fulfill this passion.

I'm sure at some point I will add to this list (and maybe even be lucky enough to delete) but for now this is what I have. These are some of the things about me that one might consider flaws.  I'm  not saying it's all bad stuff, but you know... all things in moderation.


Friday, January 08, 2010

24 Things To Do Before I Turn 25

ok, so this is a borrowed idea from a lovely lady out in Portland. (hula  )  and although this list isn't particularly large, i also only have six months it i plan to have it completed by my 25th birthday. which is in july. the start of july actually. so here goes


24 Things to do Before I turn 25
1. move to NYC with ann marie.

2. paint a canvas.

3. purge my belongings and sell the lot

4. go to a live play

5. see a concert

6. make a snowball

7. complete a long overdue handmade gift

8. bake a cake

9. throw a themed party with food

10. obtain a camera and learn basic photography

11. manage something

12. create 52 blog entries

13. leave the country

14. spend an entire day volunteering

15. practice yoga

16. play an entire song on the piano from memory

17. put my feet in an ocean that isn't the Atlantic

18. attend a local art show

19. go to a flea market and find one fabulous something

20. go skating, whether it be roller or ice

21. read four books

22. create and fill a "quote jar"

23. spend an entire day laying in the warm grass with a book, some music and a picnic

24. refinish my kitchen table

tall order? perhaps.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

This Year in Review

2009 was not always good to me. actually, 2009 was mostly unpleasant.  but what i found out today (thank you facebook) is i was apparently pretty optimistic and positive this year (my most frequently used word was "happy"). so i decided to make a list of some of the things 2009 brought that were good. things that made it all worth it..

1. Dancing into oblivion with music so loud you can't think with a new friend.



2. Getting my first tattoo designed by my best friend.



3. Living a few glorious months with one of my favorite people in the world.

4. Meeting one of the best friends I have ever had.



5. Many summer evenings with a magical group of people. Taco Tuesdays. Brewery Night. Friday Dancing. Chicken and Waffles.




6. Four birthday celebrations in my honor.


7. Nights spent in Charleston with friends whom I miss every day.


8. Road trips to Charlotte. IKEA. Trader Joe's. Michael Jackson.

9. Beards.



10. Finding confidence.


11. Halloween. Part One. Part Two.


12. Mountain Weekend '09


13. A pterodactyl of Fall Music Mixes.

14. Happy friends and their engagements.




15. Christmas Vacation in sketchy places.

16. New Year's Eve Celebrations. Part One. RENT drinking games. Part Two. Champagne and Dancing.



17. Leaving the year in a happier place than it started.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Laugh and Keep on Moving.

you know, sometimes being single is freakin' awesome. no one to worry about. you can flirt with men if you want. you can decide what you want for dinner without taking someone else into account. it's basically all about you and what you want all the time. and it's kind of fantastic.

but then, there are the occasional moments when the steamroller of life has been chasing you for weeks and it finally catches up to you. and when it does, you say, well shit... it sure would be nice to have someone around to depend on. someone to help pick up the slack. someone to help you get your car from the towing company. someone to wait for the exterminator so you don't have to wait an extra week. someone to help you poison your ant infested car and vacuum out all the dead bodies. someone to just give you a hug after you burst into tears at the car wash because you've spent the last two hours during the hottest part of the day killing ants that seem to come from some infinite source and all you wanted was a bottle of water but the vending machine ate your last dollar and when you finally broke down, the only one around to comfort you was a little homeless man walking down the street who stops and asks if you are okay....

that is when you say... oh yeah, this is why we put ourselves in the line of fire and trust men. because sometimes being independent is a little too taxing. and maybe, just maybe, it's worth the risk to let someone in if it means you won't be completely alone all the time.

just a thought for the day. and don't feel bad for me. because mostly, i find all the ridiculous stuff in my life extremely comical. i think i might write a little movie of my life. it'll probably be a romantic comedy. (and stealing the tag line from the new movie "(500) days of summer") "this is not a love story. it is a story about love." because that sums up my life... 



"His giant ambling confidence hushes down all my inherent nervousness and reminds me that everything really is going to be OK.  (And if not OK, then at least comic.)..."

-Eat. Pray. Love.



Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Ramblings.

favorite quote of the day brought to us by the lovely lindsey:

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. 
-buddha


p.s. i need to learn to go home earlier. true story.